Something’s Not Right
Did you ever feel like something was just not right in your sphere of ministry? Wade Mullen wrote an extremely helpful book called Something’s Not Right. It was invaluable to me during a very difficult time as a worship director on staff at my church. I LOVED my job, but working under certain leaders was proving to be very difficult. There were things spoken to me that were hard to take. I was told, “We encourage you just to forgive.”
I thought…I’m a worship leader, so I’m probably too sensitive. I’m just overthinking everything and just not as well-spoken or as spiritual as other leaders. I ended up resigning from my position that I absolutely loved because I just could not keep functioning the way it was. It was affecting my physical and mental health.
After I resigned, I realized I wasn’t the only one. Others had gone before me, struggling the same way. Why does this happen in the church? Why did I have to give up my dream job?
How Was God At Work?
Some of it was just life…hard things happen. And we don’t always understand. Some of it was God showing me I’m more than my title. Some of it was the fact that God would use this to help me bring some clarity to others who might be facing these same hardships in their ministries.
I certainly am not out to make myself the victim. I never want to speak badly of others. However, there comes a point when we must speak out about our struggles so that we can heal, and then that healing can help someone else going through the same things. I love how Michael J. Kruger sheds light on this in his book Bully Pulpit. He says, “Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader - such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization - wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom-related goals.”
Those words jumped off the page for me. That put into words the feelings I was experiencing. I felt the manipulation. The domineering. The intimidation. However, a spiritual leader is instead supposed to:
“be above reproach, faithful to his wife, exercise self control, live wisely, have a good reputation, practice hospitality, able to teach, not a heavy drinker or violent. Must be gentle, long tempered, not quarrelsome, not love money, manage his family well, having children who respect and obey him. People outside the church must speak well of him so that he will not be disgraced…” (I Timothy 3:1-5, 7)
“Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly - not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.” (I Peter 5:2)
No matter how dark the days were, how incredibly depressed I felt, how I wondered if I’d ever feel myself again, the truth is I’m getting there! Healing does come. The pain doesn’t have that intensity forever! Praise God for his healing work. It took months, years, and I still have the scars. There are times when those scars get hit and it hurts again, but God is always in the restoration business, and He wants that for you, too!
What Can I Do?
Here are some of my takeaways as I worked toward healing:
Ask Jesus to help you love like He loves. To serve and to show kindness to those around and especially under you.
Make a point to pray blessing over the one who hurt you. Choose to forgive even when you don’t feel it. (and you may never feel it.)
Know it’s ok to not be ok. Don’t beat yourself up. What you’re feeling is valid.
Find a good counselor. Work through your stages of grief. Learn how to relate to people again and not take responsibility for their actions or their thoughts.
Go to your doctor. Sometimes medicine is necessary. (Your family will thank you.)
Surround yourself with people that you love and feel safe with.
Look for ways to help someone else. Take someone a meal, pray for them, ask how they’re doing, or work on their car with them. These actions help to shift your focus away from yourself and onto someone else.
Don’t hurry to get back into the saddle, but embrace it when the time is right.
This prayer from the Daily Refresh is my prayer for you:
“God, give me the strength to stand firm against the devil's tactics. Remind me that my enemies are not the people in front of me. When bad things happen, comfort me and flood my mind with truth. Do not let me forget that I belong to You, You fight for me, and I can fight back with love. You are in control, and I am safe with you. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
- Coach Cindy
If you want to dive more into this topic, register today for the October 18 Worship Workshop: Worship on Purpose in Lancaster, PA, where Cindy will be teaching the breakout “Healthy Relationships and Healing from Spiritual Abuse.”
-Dave Helmuth
(purchase my book, "Worship Fertilizer: (the first hundred)" HERE)
Something’s Not Right (Nº 444)
